Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
