Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
