then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
