Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
