i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
