I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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