i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
