Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
