No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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