i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
