i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
