Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
