I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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