Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
