Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
