We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
