I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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