woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
