help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
