That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
