the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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