goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
