I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry about my life...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
as a side note pls kill me
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