its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
