I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We named our party play list daddy issues
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
