Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I cockslap morals
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
