Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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