does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
