WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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