it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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