my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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