mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
