You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
