everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
