i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
