The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
