i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
