my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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