Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
