My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
