WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
