I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
