Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
