ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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