I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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