The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
