I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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