You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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