What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
