U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
