I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
