like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
