remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
