Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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