what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
