i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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