I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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