don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
