That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
